So, I've been working for a month now. How time flies! It seems like Christmas was just yesterday, but a quarter of the year has already flown by. So much has happened.

I've gotten my results a couple weeks ago. I'm not proud of them, but I've jumped a grade each so I'm slightly happy. I'm madly disappointed with myself though. Why can't I remember the things that I've tried so hard to memorise? And it's not like I haven't done my class work and such. In fact, those who did not complete their work all aced their exams. Always the case. Life ain't fair, I know, but don't be this unfair, please?!

Will my results be accepted by the university I wanna go? I highly doubt so, but what am I gonna do? ):

I've been feeling so negative about everything. I really cannot help it at times. I remember the first time I've ever been affected by any of my results was when we got back the results for our Chinese 'O' levels. I've always not done well for combined humanities but it never did affect me so bad. But Chinese, I've been doing fairly well and I've done so badly for a national exam. I remember crying the entire day when I got home. I didn't know whether or not to retake. Everyone asked me to, and so I did. I'm glad I did. At least I was given a chance to retake. And even if you were not satisfied with any other results, you could retake it privately.

However in polytechnic, you never ever get second chances. One assignment badly done, there goes your entire grade. And you don't take one final exam that determines your life. Every single little thing you do actually counts into your grade, which will follow you through life. And I absolutely hate it when people ask for your results. Is there a need?! Where are the times where all you worry about is what to have for lunch/dinner?

That girl attached to the same company as me? She did really badly, much worse than I did, and she seems to be boasting about it. Uhm hello? Plus she keeps telling me how she's always late for class and how she skips lectures and such. And so proud of it. That doesn't make you cool you know? And she's proud of the fact that she always fights with her mom. Really, not cool. Anyway, this aside, she obviously doesn't make a good friend. At least not one you'd trust and rely.

At this point in my life, I really don't know what I should do. As much as I wanna study in London, I'm afraid that I'd fail and be such a disappointment to everyone around me. I don't know if I'd be able to live alone, although I say I can. I'd be living a dream, but will it be a good one?

I know one person I'd miss dearly is my sister. No more fooling around, no more bickering, no more late night talks in bed, no more sister fun.

Crying might not be a solution, but sometimes, it really is a form of relief. Let it out, cause you'll feel better.